“I’ll get up at 4am, clean the house and pack”, she says a little too confidently, as she settles into bed beside me. We both know this is a lie. Inevitably, we awaken at 6.30am, with 20 minutes before we’ll definitely be too late to leave the house. Her sleepy neighbourhood awakening to her sweet … Continue reading Is this Hamburg?

No, I haven’t trekked 1000 miles across a desert. I haven’t hauled a huge pack up a mountain on a soul searching pilgrimage. But I have crossed the Pyrenees, alone. I have learnt to rely on myself, and through it I have learnt that I am rather dependable actually, I am capable. I’m my own … Continue reading Emerging from the canyon

Help. Someone come and talk to me. I’m in a state of absolute mania. I want to scream into the valley: “HELLO? I’M HERE!! SOMEONE TALK TO ME, PLAY MUSIC AT ME, DANCE WITH ME, BE WITH ME.” At times I feel insane. This morning I was absolutely fine. Half an hour ago I was … Continue reading Cabin fever

Driving down the motorway from Lac du Salagou, my last stop in Languedoc before entering the Pyranean region. As the blue mountains open up in front of me, a sudden surge or adrenaline, a sense of achievement, as if this is what I’ve been waiting for, this is the beginning… All those years I’ve dared … Continue reading Manic recluse on tour

Day 1 Experiences. Today I don’t want any. I feel tired. But mostly I feel sad, I feel sad, I feel sad, I feel sad. I keep telling myself why I’m doing this. I know exactly why. Why the amount of awful I feel exactly corresponds with the amount I need to go through with … Continue reading Skip to the end

Back in the van now. How busy the world must be, immediately outside my window. How busy it is. Parked aside a main road. Now. But, before. Before, submerged in the deep blue, nothingness. But lights, distant lights. Hints at humanity. An empty beach, were it for 200 neatly positioned deck chairs, sun loungers and … Continue reading Night-swimming