Borrowed

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And he said that it’s normal
that it’s a human reaction
but I’m dizzy, from this spiralling
from this everlasting spiralling

Singing borrowed melodies
from a mind seeking, trying, never finding
Speaking borrowed words
from a mind repeating, like a heart beating

Carbon copies of ghosts who’ve come before
Don’t know whose voice is in my head anymore
I can only utter words when not lost in my head
when I am not reeling from the worst things I have said

And he said I’m making anxiety
into a living entity
like it has a hold on me.
Oh, it has a hold on me.

Reflecting, regretting, always suppressing
Sometimes this distress has seemed like a blessing
Scrambling for possession of any part of me
Control is my obsession
I’m losing my fleeting creativity.