Shopping

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It happens on days
when I feel most empty
When my fragile mind
can’t settle
it focuses on things
I don’t want or need.
It gives way to
distraction,
consumption,
greed.

It’s somehow easier
to embed myself
in consumerism.
Surround myself
with offers
that seep
surreptitiously
into my psyche
with adverts
that appear to breathe
chip away
at my ambition
and
distract me
from my dreams.
Scream at me
while I stand
confused
empty hearted
empty headed
empty handed.
This
is
somehow
easier
than to fill my heart
with all it needs.

A thought 
that can’t be silenced
fills the empty space around me.
And somehow
I’m walking aimlessly
in a dreamlike state
and yet distracted,
over stimulated,
distressed.
Conflicted,
making empty promises
to myself.
And somehow
another day passes
.
How did I get here?
Why did I come here?
Sleepwalking
back
into a constructed reality
that was never meant for me.
Yet somehow
holds me
at its mercy.